Lavinia Porter’s real voice

I’ve added a title to the ever-increasing, never-diminishing list of books to pursue:  Women’s Voices from the Oregon Trail.  I learned of the book through Tonia’s recent “letter” at Study In Brown which I encourage you to read.

This particular segment of her letter/post checked me:

i have been curled up with Women’s Voices from the Oregon Trail.  oh my, what those women endured.  their reality was a far cry from the christian fantasy world i read about as a young person.  (i’m talking to you, Bethany House.)  those fictional women always kept their sweet spirits and a pretty dress.   but the very real “Lavinia Porter drained her husband’s whole barrel of whisky.”  and it’s hard to blame her in a world where “Then cholera took my oldest boy His sister fell beneath the wagon And was crushed beneath the wheels.”

I would make a brave effort to be cheerful and patient until the camp work was done.  Then starting out ahead of the team and my men folks, when I thought I had gone beyond hearing distance, I would throw myself down on the unfriendly desert and give way like a child to sobs and tears, wishing myself back home with my friends and chiding myself for consenting to take this wild goose chase.  ~Lavinia Porter

dear Lavinia, i hear you. my life is so very easy compared to yours, but i think all women, especially mothers, know what it is to push ourselves beyond our endurance and to cry aching tears when no one is looking.

i don’t know how to say this without stepping on toes, but i think that christian women need to not be afraid to hear people’s real voices instead of the gussied up, glossed over, imaginary world of the past.

.          .          .

A real voice.  I must remember that that’s what I’m thirsty for, what makes me feel known.  And that’s what I want to cultivate myself and share with others.

Which means that even when what I’m hearing is not easy for me to receive, even when it’s inconvenient or speaking something that clashes with my beliefs, I need to be open to listening because a real voice utters it.

Which means that I must always self-examine to see if I’m operating from my real voice, or if I’m applying the gussied-up, glossy sheen–highlighting or accenting strategic parts but omitting others.

(Abba, thank you for this space.)